Now stop whining, wringing your hands about how he’s a Republican in disguise, and start actually getting out there and helping eachother. He’s not our savor and he’s a far cry from the evil. He’s one dude with the crummiest job in the world. Only one other person even applied for it! And it won’t do to freak out and stay scared all the time.

Go help your neighbors with their empty beer bottle collection already.

VOTE!

1. Because he’s a “Muslim.”

Remember the 20 years with his pastor? That was all just fake.

Because he’s a “terrorist.”

Who went to Harvard and cares for his elderly grandmother and has a family and loves his wife and has many friends and will be our next president.

Because he’s a “murderer.”

Uhhh . . .

Because he “wants to teach children how to have sex.”

By telling them, essentially, how to recognize when someone is acting inappropriately towards them. Right. Teaching them how to have sex.

Because he “pals around with terrorists.”

And 2 million Vietnamese weren’t killed by the friends that Mccain palled around with after the war. And because the person that Obama met 6 times wasn’t trying to stop the slaughter of those 2 million people.

Because he “went to school on the Arab’s tab.”

Uhhh. Again.

But to put a finer point on it, the Saudis didn’t finance Bush and his oil company. And, by proxy, didn’t get his kids through their private school.

Because “he is an Arab.”

Again.

Because “he’s not an Arab, he’s a decent man.”

And Arabs, as we all know, comprising of 325 million people, are, to a person, not decent.

Because “he’s too liberal.”

And he wants to give us a tax cut and increase the military budget.

Because “he’s part of the Democrat party.”

And I’m part of the Republic party.

Because he’s “a socialist.”

Who wants to give us a tax cut.

Because “he’s an elitist.”

Who has one house (that is his home), one car, and who recently paid off his student loans.

Because “he has no experience.”

At being corrupt. At getting compromised. At dealing with softer political scenes than Chicago. At being all white. At having free passes thrown to him in Alaska. At having uncompromising opinions. At having only a few years to live and a light-weight to fill his shoes. At having major untreated PTSD. At being a multi-millionaire. At living in Washington DC for more than 20 years. At having the wrong ideas during a financial crisis (hint: Lincoln Savings and Loans). At agreeing with Bush 90 percent of the time.

Because “he is part of Acorn.”

And Acorn wasn’t legally obligated to turn in every ballot they collected. And Acorn didn’t flag all suspect ballots. Wait, how did Fox get that list of 4000 ballots? Magic? And Mccain didn’t headline an Acorn even in 2006.

And . . . . .  I heard Acorn does all these horrible things (I think it’s Acorn.) like: go up to Republicans and get them to sign a ballot initiative and then secretly register them as Democrats to switch their voter registration. Also, purge large amount of Republican voters off the rolls based on how closely their names resemble the names of past convicted and since-freed felons. Purge large amounts of Republicans off the voters rolls who are overseas in Iraq because they don’t return their non-forward address clarification letter. I also heard that Acorn is getting, like, convicted of all this stuff in COURTS OF LAW, in Florida, and California, and Michigan. Oh wait. Is it Acorn or some other organization? Maybe something a little older . . . Maybe starting with the letter G? I can’t remember.